Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
