I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
is it fun? or sober?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
