A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
