first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
should my penis look like a turkey
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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