I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
