where am i from again
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
