the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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