not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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