You can't motorboat a personality
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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