ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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