Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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