dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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