My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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