Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Send help, water and tortillas.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
