After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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