For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
