Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
