Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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