so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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