Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I have already put on my inside pants.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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