No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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