found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
