Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
