Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
