I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
