You smell like a Billy Joel song
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
