I can tuck mytits in my pants
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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