Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Alive.
So much puke
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
