Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
