Will you blow on my dice?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
