you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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