piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
