My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
