She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Randomize
