she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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