I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dude i'm inner monologue high
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I still have a little drunk in my system
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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