Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
