i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
