hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
