But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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