Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
