call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We need to feng shui this bitch.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
