apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
