i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Randomize
