He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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