p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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