I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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