What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
