I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
