Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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