I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
